Refer to the other day and re-read Chapter 1 to refresh your memory about my story. Chapter 1
My story continues and if you may remember from my last blog, there were signs sent to me preventing me from having an abortion…
So here I am thinking in my heart that I am not going to be able to go through with this abortion. Every day that passed, my baby was growing so was my love. I loved my little baby so much that I decided to go through with an open adoption. I knew I was going to prison and I knew he or she deserved a good life with a wonderful family.
I didn’t know how the process worked or how I would pick out a family good enough but I knew God would lead the way, he had already led us this far. My fiancé had tried two adoption agencies in the phone book and Angela Quick from the Adoption & Family Support Center agreed to see me that day! When I met with Angela, I had no idea what to expect. I mean I’ve watched films but that was it. (LOL) After learning about the agency and their ethics, I felt safe, relieved and trusting. The conversation and introductions was about me, my thoughts, my feelings, my wants, my needs, my goals and my dreams.
It wasn’t about why I was doing it or how much money I’d get from the adoption agency or potential adoptive parents could give me. She was genuinely concerned about me as a woman. Of course, when I got back to the jail block with my blue folder from Angela Quick that is when the talk started. I was officially “selling my baby”. It was then when those feeling of inadequacy, failure, embarrassment and shame came in. I had made the decision to do this but now all those feelings, plus feelings of doubt and questions rambled through my mind and kept me from talking about it so I started to feel like it was a nasty secret.
Shortly after my visit with Angela, I was sent to the prison. I am in a dorm with only pregnant women or women who have had their babies here. Pure insanity! Forty different women along with their emotions, hormones and pregnancy complaints. A lot of them had family members to pick up their babies, some of them won’t even be here when they deliver (thank God) but there are a few going through adoptions as well.
I got really, really close to one girl who when we first me, I felt comfortable enough to share my story. Come to find out she had a similar story and thoughts and up to that point she was undecided and really didn’t know what she was going to do.
I shared the decision I made with her and told her about Angela Quick and Joanne Roberts from the Adoption & Family Support Center. She was further along than me and after she spoke with the adoption agency and decided to place her baby, I was able to see the process unfold right in front of me, communication between her and her family, everything.